February 26th, 2011
Red and blue paper confetti shot from big black cannons and flooded the arena, as hundred’s of thousands of fans jumped and cheered. Couples made out and groups of teenage girls in band shirts squealed and took pictures with flash. The flashing red and yellow lights from the stage were blinding and the music blasting from the large speakers were deafening but it only added to the experience.
The lead guitarists’ face was covered in beads of sweat. His chest poked out through his ripped black and blue rock star shirt, and his legs were squeezed so tight in his two size too small skinny jeans. His guitar was electric so a black cord led from it to a large black and silver amp. Neon blue was the main color of the Fender and it was covered in silver sparkles that looked like cheap craft glitter.
I didn’t really want to look at him like all the screaming fans did, I just wanted to look at those stage lights. There was one behind the band that was small, maybe only one foot long, but the light coming from it was an 8 foot wide strobe light that was so light it reminded me of the light depicted in movies about Heaven. Then there were two biig lights at the front of the stage; One red and one blue. These lights waved back and forth covering the entire audience and sometimes crossing over each other. I loved when these lights pointed to my row of seating. I was just sitting there, ignoring the music and just sucking in the lights.
Then I woke up…I woke up to the darkness, to the black. I woke up to hundreds of noises, but no strobes, no confetti, no large red and blue lights for my eyes, face, and body to just absorb. Well, none that I could see anyway. I carefully got up from my bed, grabbed my cane and slowly walked down the hallway following the smell of my husband making breakfast.
Good morning baby. How did you sleep?”
“Wonderfully. I had another amazing dream.” I started.
“Where were you this time my love? On a boat? Sports game? Grocery store?” My husband Charlie went on as I sat at the table and he placed plates with steaming turkey bacon and scrambled eggs, in front of both of us.
“I was at a concert. I don’t know what band, but it was beautiful. Lots of screaming and excitement from teenagers and young couples alike.”
“Mmm,” He said in agreement, imagining what I had seen. “The lights? What color were the lights?”
“A gorgeous fire hydrant red mixed with a deep royal blue. It was brighter and more vivid then any police car I had seen. They were gorgeous.”
“Wow baby, sounds breathtaking…just like you.” He said as he brushed his hands along my face and kissed me on the forehead. “I have to go to work but I got you a new book to keep you occupied for the day.”
“Have a good day at work babe.” I blew kisses and slowly finished my breakfast. I found the book right by the kitchen sink so I walked to my chair and sat down looking out the window and opened my book. I ran my thin fingers along every inch of the page. I loved new books no matter what they were. The content didn’t matter, just the feel of the small raised dots under my flesh. I loved being able to soak the sun into my face through the window while getting lost in the story of someone else’s life.
Reading was a hobby but not my favorite thing to do. The number one spot was filled by sleeping. Well actually not sleeping, but dreaming. In a dream I could do anything, be anything, see anything. I could see everything. All the people, all the places. I could see the sky. I could see rainbows. Most blind people who could see at one time, say the thing they miss most is the colors. I don’t miss colors that much though, I miss light. I am tired of complete darkness. Eyes closed or open, all I see is black. Not when I dream though. When I dream my brain shows images of light and colors and bright vivid things and people.
Dreaming is the only time I see anything. I don’t even know what I look like, except what Charlie tells me and what I see when I am asleep. I wasn’t born without sight though, I lost it at age eight. In my opinion that is way worse then always being without sight, because I know what I am missing. I know what the sun looks like and how it reflects off ocean waves of many blues. I know what they sky looks like against the bright white raspy clouds. I know what storms look like and how rain looks when it slams against the dirty concrete. I know what it all looks like, but can only see it a few hours a day while a sleep, and can only remember parts of it the next day.
Every day I wake up and feel like the world is snatched from me and that my blindness is a punishment for something. I have to live like this and never see my husband or my house. I can never see my babies when they enter the world or watch them grow up. When I am old, I can’t sit on my porch watching my kids and grand kids at a family barbecue, just laughing and enjoying life. The only way I can see that is if I dream it up, and as vivid as it is, it will never be the real thing.
October 29th, 2011 at 11:07 pm
Such an interesting article you have. It is an entertaining and informative which this article that relate to my experience in my life. Thanks for sharing this article it is good
October 29th, 2011 at 11:13 pm
Such an interesting article you have. It is an entertaining and informative which this article that relate to my experience in my life. Thanks for sharing this article.