September 19th, 2010
I kept my hands flat on the table where I could see them, not trusting myself or the thoughts in my head. There was a frightening energy warming my skin and blackening my vision. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, I just wanted to scream, beat my fists into the wall until my fingers broke,and then paint with the blood
I smiled to myself, feeling the tears in my eyes, something heavy pressing into my chest so I could hardly breathe. I thought about the motionless body upstairs and the darkness around it. I got that desperate feeling, the panicky need to react, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop it. I wanted to run away, beat it down until it’s stops screaming, put a gun to my head and pull the trigger.
I ran my thumbs along the edge of the table, trying to remember the name of the song playing in my head. My mouth tasted dry and dirty. I picked a piece of lint up off the tabletop and rolled it between my fingertips. I heard a clock ticking…tick, tock, tick, tock, time..to…die, tock.
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August 15th, 2010
“Your music is kind of loud.”
“Yeah well good thing it’s MY music huh?”
“He is right young lady; blasting your music is very disrespectful and not everyone around you would like to hear it.”
“Ugh old people!” I hated this stupid bus ride. I was the only one under I was listening to good music, just not from their generation. The lady next to me gave me a sympathetic look and I turned away toward the window. She smelled like lavender and ocean breeze. It didn’t mesh well with my coconut hand lotion.
I pulled out my journal from my near empty backpack and started writing.
I shouldn’t even be on the bus. My dad is sending me to meet my mom again. I really don’t want to go to her though. The way I see it, if she wants to get to know me, she can drive her ass down here.
“You should give your mom more credit” a voice interrupted.
“Excuse me!” I said defensively while slamming my notebook. “Did I give you permission to read this? No, I didn’t, and I definitely didn’t ask your opinion.”
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August 8th, 2010
As I rode my bike trough the twists and curves of the leave drenched road I saw them; the perfect family. There was a dad probably about 6 foot 1 wearing jeans, and a light blue shirt. He probably worked a lot on the weekdays and had the weekends left to spend with his family. The mom was, well, average looking. She had dirty blonde hair to her shoulders. She wore a classy white shirt with pink flowers that was perfect for a nice autumn day like this. Then there were two children, a little boy about seven and a little girl about four years old. All four family members were holding hands and strolling with smiles.
It irritated me how perfect their family was. If I could even get my family out together at the same time, there is no way we would be holding hands, let alone smiling. My bike passed by them and I heard them giggling at some joke the son told. This really sickened me. I pedaled faster and when I was well away from them I slowed and sat on a bench.
I was across from the children’s playground but there were only two children. They were swinging on the swings and although they were only about six, I didn’t see a parent or guardian around. Curious, I walked towards them. Everything seemed perfectly fine until I heard a scream. It was a piercing scream, the kind that you still hear even when it’s stopped. The kids were not the screamers and my first thought was that it could be their parent. I to the kids to stay where they were and ran towards scream.
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